un idiota

when a person doesn't speak another culture's language where they are trying to live and function, they must feel like a retarded puppy.

i certainly do.

untrained to social expectations and role sets, even with the visual aid of the speaker's body language and facial expressions, it is near impossible to uncover the meaning of many conversations. they can list off twenty things that need to be done, and i normally end up figuring out what the first item was by the time they hit the last.

the only salvation lies in catching the occasional cognate or phrase remembered from the 'beginner's italian: disk 1.' but, normally i end up just awkwardly smiling, stuttering 'no capisco (i don't understand)' or unknowingly cocking my head with the look of 'what the fuck are you talking about?'

i try my best to hide my stupidity, but no matter how i try to mask my american-ness, it seeps through, whether in my pronunciation or how i vocalize the pauses in my speech (no one here goes 'umm,' they all go 'ehhh' or 'aaah').

i'm not sure in the end who is more frustrated by my lack of the italian language... me or the girl i am trying to order my panino from.